Have you heard of Avoidance Cost?
It’s what happens when you – or your leaders – keep putting off a tough conversation and it quietly grows bigger in your head. Until the thought of having it, feels ten times harder than it actually is.
Meanwhile, your team member isn’t getting the feedback they need to improve. Your credibility is taking a hit. And the rest of the team is absolutely noticing.
The discomfort of having the conversation is almost always less than the cost of not having it.
Your Behavioural Style Is Part of the Problem – and the Solution
Your natural behavioural style will directly influence how you show up to tough conversations – though it’s unfortunately not always helpful.
More dominant and direct? You’ll have the conversation – but the risk is coming in too hard, too fast, and damaging the relationship in the process.
More of an influencer energy? Fear of rejection might keep you avoiding it altogether – but your people skills mean you can actually strengthen the relationship when you do show up.
Stability style? You can get so swept up in the other person’s emotion that you lose the thread – or let them off the hook entirely.
Highly analytical? You’ll want to map out 35 scenarios before you walk in.
But here’s the truth – preparation is important. Over-preparation is procrastination.
Know your style.
Know your risk.
Then use a framework that keeps you anchored.
The PACE Framework
This is the structure I share with my clients.
Four letters.
All you need.
P – Prepare
Think through five things before you go in:
- the Situation – when and where
- the Behaviour – what was observed, is this a pattern?
- the Impact – on the team, clients, or individual
- what Success looks like – from this specific conversation, and how you’re showing up
- Any Avoidance? Check in with yourself first.
Walk in clear – not perfect.
A – Address It
Name it. Use SBI – Situation, Behaviour, Impact – then add a transition question to open the conversation.
“Help me understand what was going on for you” or “How do you think this aligns with our values?”
Give them the opportunity to share. The insight you get from their response is what helps you actually help them.
C – Clarify
Get curious. Ask questions that help them identify what they can do differently – and let them set their own goals where possible.
The commitment is stronger when it comes from them.
E – Establish
Close the loop. Lock in what was agreed – what needs to change, by when, and what that looks like in practice.
Put a follow-up date in the calendar.
The conversation becomes an agreement.
The agreement becomes accountability.
The Bottom Line
Tough conversations are not about being tough.
They’re about being clear, being fair, and giving your people the chance to grow.
Use PACE.
Know your natural strengths and your challenges.
Prepare well – not perfectly.
And then just have the conversation.
Your team is counting on you for it.
Want the PACE handout to share with your leadership team? Send me a DM on LinkedIn or email nicky@nickymiklos.com and it’ll be sent straight through.
Want more on behavioural styles, sales leadership and smart growth? Connect with Nicky on LinkedIn here.
And if this resonated, tune into the Smart Business Growth podcast for more real talk on leading smarter and growing without the grind 👇
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